Take the ride on my train of thoughts on this activity.
There was no opportunity to take pictures. Just thoughts. Thoughts. Thoughts.
10 kids surrounded in a circle with me and my friends. We didn’t know them. They didn’t know us. But it was intimate. I don’t remember their names anymore, but I remember the sense of peace I had when I was there. I wasn’t expecting to be in that situation.
8:00 Saturday I woke up tired from a stressful school week. I still felt like I needed more sleep. “No, get up. Eat breakfast now” I pressured myself. I had to accomplish some school work before getting ready for my NSTP outreach. To simply put it, my morning was a mindless routine with stress pounding on the walls of my head and weighing down my lungs. I felt tired. My thoughts crowded my brain with mindless anxiety on deadlines. I didn’t feel resentment on the outreach I was gonna do later on the afternoon… It just felt like it was part of a routine. Nothing special. Just another part of my routine that I don’t really mind.
I finished my morning activities and got ready for the outreach. The bus picked me up somewhere win Fairview and we were on our way to Bulacan. “I’m already at the bus. I just have to participate in the outreach, go home, and plan my concept for Design Studio 2” I thought. Sitting on a bus makes you think. I finally got to realize how tired I was. I wasn’t just physically tired, but also on the inside. Why is that? A lot of deadlines are clouding out my passion and feelings for everyday life. I realized I’m never really fully recognizing the experiences I’m situated in. I’m just simply doing it. Step by step. Right on schedule. I’m not looking back at the past. I’m not panicking abut the future. But I’m not living in the moment as well. What am I doing?
The bus stopped. I snapped back to reality. We arrived at our destination. Due to force of habit I immediately switched to my mindset of routines. Game! Time to do some outreach. Get a kid, help them answer, be friendly, smile, give them your fullest attention, etc. Yes those are good bullet points for an outreach. But I have to admit, it was all a mindless routine. I have to admit, there was no heart. It was already filled with weary on what I’m supposed to do next.
All the kids have partners already. I would love to help the kids on the floor but it was really hot, and it will get worse if I join the crowd, and I have to do my best to keep conscious. The kids on the table have partners as well. Now what do I do? I sat back on a chair and waited if someone needed my help. I managed to contribute in organizing supplies for the kids. I then got to help in giving out the food. A blessing disguised itself when I decided to give the extra food to the kids at the library.
When I went to the library, there were kids simply reading books. I unconsciously started doing small talk and eventually got to put them in a circle with the help of my friend Jeremy. Something was pushing me to talk to those kids, and it wasn’t the force of habit. Me and my friend then started hosting the circle. We were talking and just asking them things in general. They were laughing. They were smiling. They were entertained. I never thought the circle's connection would be that strong. We didn’t know them. They didn’t know us. But it was intimate. I remember the sense of peace I had when I was there. There was serenity. I was living in the moment. The deadlines didn’t matter anymore. I wasn’t expecting to be in that situation.